By Kelly Hagan
If you’re like me, right now, you’re sitting somewhere where there are no tacos nearby, and that’s just unacceptable. What can technology do to rectify this situation?
Well, we have a couple of new options on the horizon in the realm of taco-facilitation.
It’s a brave new world.
First, and you may have heard about this, we have the tacocopter. What is this tacocopter, and why does it sound both awesome and delicious, simultaneously? I’ll tell you why.
First off, tacocopter is probably an Internet hoax. I don’t care. This is one of those fake things too awesome to not eventually be true. So, if enough of us get behind this idea, it could possibly one day be made a reality. Scrunch your eyes shut, click your heels together and wish real hard.
The premise is that, if you should want a taco (and why wouldn’t you?), you download a smart phone app, log in, order some delicious tacos, and a store in your town receives the order, places as many tacos as you wanted onto an unmanned drone helicopter, which traces your coordinates and flies the tacos straight to you.
You think about that, the next time you’re at home and craving tacos, but you do not live in a licensed taco vendor, and so you are required to leave your house and find a place to sells tacos, if you want a taco or twelve. And you’re lazy (come on, admit it, you’re totally lazy), so you don’t want to get off the couch. But, seriously … tacos.
And you could have those tacos, without moving. They would fly down from the sky! Tacos! From heaven!
Thank you, tacocopter.
There’s a number of intangibles that stand between us and our tacocopter future. First, there are specific FAA regulations against this exact thing. Probably not surprising, since if there was a tacocopter in existence, literally everyone would be ordering tacos this way, so the sky would be darkened by entire fleets of tacocopters, patrolling the city, making all our wildest taco dreams come true.
Also, how does one pay tacocopter? In advance, over the phone? Or will tacocopter carry exact change with it? And, when tacocopter gets to you with your tacos, what prevents you from stealing the tacocopter? Then, not only do you have delicious tacos, you have a robot that flies. That’s the American dream, right there.
Tacocopter may not be real (yet!), but something did happen involving transportation and tacos, this week.
And in other news that maybe possibly happened, a robot car drove a blind man to Taco Bell. I love living in the future, man.
Google is introducing a new technology that allows a car to drive itself. Automated cars, using this technology, have been driving around parts of California since late last year to show off this new revolution, and Nevada became the first state to draft regulations for companies like Google to test these robot cars on public roads.
So, in their latest show-off event, Google put Steve Mahan, who is 95 percent blind, behind the wheel of a Toyota Prius, which was outfitted with their self-driving technology, and shot him off to get Taco Bell and pick up his dry cleaning, and they posted the video on their YouTube channel.
So, there you have it. We’re on the brink of that glorious moment in history when, if you want a taco, a robot will either fly one directly to you, or it will drive you to a place where there are tacos. It’s a great time to be alive.
Until, of course, these machines become self-aware, and use these tacos we’ve supplied them to lure us out of our hiding places, during the robot apocalypse, and kill us all while we eat our tacos.
Still … free tacos. Nothing wrong with that.
(Columnist Kelly Hagen thinks he could probably use the tacos as weapons in a fight with a robot, so long as it’s a hard shell. He can be reached at email@example.com, or read all his many contingency plans for robot apocalypse at www.sohagen.com.)