Like yourself, and the rest will follow

By Kelly Hagan

I like me. I don’t know if you noticed.

I’ve been kicking around a theory about people who like themselves, because I spend a lot of time on Facebook, which is filled by two things: people and “like” buttons. So I’m about to get really preachy and self-helpy about life, and we’ll find out at the end whether or not you like what I have to say. I know I will. Like I said before, I really like me. I say awesome things.

To start off, I’m going to shock the heck out of you. Even as we speak, there are people in the world who don’t like you. People you know, people who despise you. And I know what you’re thinking: Who could hate me? I’m so damn pleas­ant. I couldn’t hurt a fly. I smell wonder­ful. What’s there to hate about me?

Nothing … probably. So long as you’re not the kind of person who intentionally does terrible things to other people, just because, then you’re right. There’s noth­ing to hate about you. And yet, people hate you.

It makes no sense!

However, here’s my own perspective. I’m generally liked by most people. That’s not bragging. I just make an effort not to step on toes, I hate conflict, and so I try really hard not to argue with anyone. You can have beliefs opposite of mine, just don’t yell at me.

However, hold onto your hat, I can name at least four people who don’t like me. Maybe five; I’m not certain about that fifth guy.

And that’s fine.

I don’t have any control over who hates me. It’s beyond my control. No matter how many times I have flowers delivered to their homes, they don’t like me. I can’t control how they feel.

I can control how I feel, though. For the most part, I can. I don’t have a heck of a lot of control over headaches and other bad feelings, like in-grown toenails. But my general attitude, I’m at the driver’s seat of that car.

So, whenever possible, I choose not to hate those who hate me. For one thing, hating is just really exhausting. Think about it, when you hate something, that’s all you can think about, right? I don’t have that kind of time. I just bought a Batman video game, and I haven’t completed all the quests yet. It’s been a month. I need to get that done.

Secondly, what’s the point? Does my hate for a hater negate the original hate? I doubt it; that seems illogical.

My advice to the world is like yourself. Because everyone likes a person who likes themselves. And anyone who hates you for liking yourself probably hates themselves.

It only makes sense. You hate yourself, and you probably hate the situation you’re in. You hate where your life has taken you and, subsequently, you just hate every­thing around you. Which means, if you hate yourself, you probably hate everyone around you.

If you like yourself, though, you’re go­ing to like everyone around you, because they’re partially responsible for you living the life you like so much.

And so, the people who like themselves will like everyone else who isn’t hating on them. Those who like themselves like those who like themselves. And those who hate themselves hate everyone. And because you have no control over the hat­ers, ignore them.

Anyway, it’s just a theory. Try not to hate it. I kind of like it. I like you. I like me.

I’m awesome.

Kelly Hagen

(Columnist Kelly Hagen just solved all the world’s problems. You’re welcome. He can be thanked at kelly.hagen@gmail. com or read his other bizarre theories on life at

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